Forced marriage: a personal story
In the first of this two-part feature, a British born Hindu-Punjabi woman gives a deeply personal account of the hell she had to endure as a result of a marriage which she forced into.
In the first of this two-part feature, a British born Hindu-Punjabi woman gives a deeply personal account of the hell she had to endure as a result of a marriage which she forced into.
May 18th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I am a 27 year old hindu-punjabi boy, I am gay. I will be forced into marriage later this year. I am not aloud to marry outside my cast and will only be aloud to have an arranged marriage in my own caste.
May 18th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
This is… so devastatingly tragic. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through (including BOYFROMNEWYORK). Anymore words seem sort of pointless.
Thanks Hindu Voice UK for posting this and to the writer for talking about it. More power to you and your family. I honestly don’t think I want to hear the rest of the story.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Why don’t you “come out of the closet” as they say to ur family?
Lets be honest, u will not be happy and neither will be the girl, if she finds out after u have kids or something like that, then there will be all that divorce hoopla and lets be honest, divorce is something serious at least in our community. Both lives will be ruined, better to make the right decision now rather than later with more serious consequences.
As for your family, I am pretty sure they will be shocked, may try to “cure” you, and then disown you, thats to be expected, but maybe in time things may cool down.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
the wife is supposed to be treated like a goddess according to hindu scriptures, but so many in the hindu community deliberately overlook male sexism and hostility towards women.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
To BOYFROMNEWYORK,
You need to tell your parents and sort this out before things get worse, but as Harish said before me it’s going to be tough, but that’s exactly what you’re going to have to be.
Think about your wife to be and any children u may have with her. It’s not exactly fair on them is it? Raising kids in a loveless marriage is just heinous.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I dunno, but maybe this can help you:
http://www.galva108.org/index.html
May 19th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
This story touches the core of my heart, it even exists all the way over here in the Caribbean. The thing is, it is not only to be found among Indians but across all cultures. Be consoled, pray for the survival of all women.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
It is a terrible story, I’m sorry for that. But that should not make us blind towards the fact that there are thousands of such stories also from the so-called love marriages.
Actually, the parents have much more free vision. And they try to do best for their children. The children, very often, are blinded by the looks of the loved one and forget that such superficial attraction is not enough to hold them 50 years married together.
With best wishes
Shaas
May 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Namaste All
This is a heart rendering story. Mercifully forced marriages are not that common or even rare in our society, Hindu, Gujarati, East African Asian, unlike in the other part of the Indian subcontinent.
But even one such marriage is one too many.The tragedy is that our community elders, temple authority etc are unwilling to help these poor girls, in their hour of need.
We are so proud of our religion, culture and tradition, as we are the most educated, most law abiding and culturally rich society.
This is true but there is a room for improvement and on many fronts, especially marriage break-ups.
It is the sign of the time that even love marriages, where boys and girls have found their own partners, marriages do break down and messy divorces destroyes their lives.
I understand that there is an organization “Black Sisters of Southall” who help such girls. Indeed it is doing a wonderful work and should get every publicity it deserves.
I am sure there may be many such organizations and I would appreciate if any reader who know or have sought help from them, give us more details, publicise them so that many more
girls in such a situation can get help.
Lastly I wish this couragious Punjabi girl or rather a Lady all the best and to come out of this tragic situation with courage and distiction.
Good luck and God bless you.
Bhupendra
May 26th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I think its imperative that women share their experiences with the rest of the community so we can stop such instances happening to other women who have to go through this kind of crap.
So it’s sad to see the author request that her story be removed from this site, but i sympathise with her. We need to give more support to people who decide to come out and air their experiences and ensure that they are not going to be victims of some sort of ‘retaliation’.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Sometimes to survive is enough. Sometimes to to become greater is very hard, in fact usually it is.
Satcitananda begins with sat - to be, to exist, to live. Then we can pursue rajas and citta. Perhaps one day for ananda.
We all suffer. Some from the effects of nature, some from society, some from ourselves. The marital relationship is all of these and thus very challenging. Very often women who are abused simply survive and that is a great act. Often they blame themselves, this is the same forgiving loving character of hindus in the past that appeased the greed of invaders. This is not bad but often dysfunctional. So the woman, oppressed and beaten, is forced to seek beyond this - as the survivors of colonialism do. In this seeking no one who has not been there has the right to comment. But it is my hope that the author will become greater and by volunteering this, her story, she is acting (karma) to create greater knowledge (ved) to help herself and others, in so doing help to alleviate suffering to find hope and eventually bliss (ananda) and peace (shanti).
hariaum
July 17th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Just shoot the gay chootia - he is a typical example of a person who has been influenced by the white man . He should be shot .